For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
