Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize