Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
