if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
