Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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