somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize