did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
