I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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