I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
