Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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