do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
