You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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