Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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