I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm both gender and math confused
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
