im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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