can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
