I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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