Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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