Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
