Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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