I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
