It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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