Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
