Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
