so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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