wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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