There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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