soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
