omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
