Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Be still, my beating vagina.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize