threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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