I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
