where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
