A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
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He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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