i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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