just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
