I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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