You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
