Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Houston, we have a blender
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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