i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
