heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
