I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize