I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
