i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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