that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
