That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I cockslap morals
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
