I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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