Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
