All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
