im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
