i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
