She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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