just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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