I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
