then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
