Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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