i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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