Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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