In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
