I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
be right there i have to get my cape
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
