My pussy is not your playground.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
