Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
