Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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