Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
