Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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