Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
