How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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