first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
