I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
