Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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