I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
