Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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