how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
