I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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