Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
