Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
