guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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