I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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