Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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